“Talk only about relevant skills”
So tell me, Mrs. Jones," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Well, actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I also finished my novel.""Very impressive," commented the interviewer, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."Mrs. Jones explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours."
“Be reasonable and know your price”
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"And the HR Person said, "Certainly ...but you started it."
"Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by it"
"Entry level position" -You'll be making minimum wage.
"Entry level position in an up-and-coming company"- You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year.
"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you.
"Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
"Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend.
"Duties will vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control.
"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left.
"Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.
"Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.
"Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.
“Understand the problem”
A young engineer was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer? A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own
Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.Applicant: I am the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
"10 years from now.."
Fresh from the school candidate was being interviewed for the position at Microsoft. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?""Well, let's see," replied the candidate. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee's application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage."
"Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing!"
The classified ad said, "Wanted: a very experienced lumberjack". A man answered the ad and was asked to describe his experience:"I've worked at the Sahara Forest.", said the man"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the interviewer.The man laughed and answered, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"